I just dont have as many people who believe it.43.The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. It's your 60th birthday! It is time to party! "Don't just teach your children to read. 70+ George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. The 50 Most Encouraging Virgil Abloh Quotes, The 51 Most Memorable Angela Davis Quotes, 25 Motivational Tim Tebow Quotes Every Sports Fan Can Relate To, 123 Meaningful Deep Quotes About Life To Supercharge Your Life, The 50 Most Uplifting Personal Growth Quotes. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. "The planet is fine. We havent tried that for a while. Happy 60th Birthday! Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. William Butler Yeats: "From our birthday, until we die, / Is but the winking of an eye." Plato: "Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. The challenge is to find it. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. You must have a lot of stories to tell. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. If you have quotes you would like us to cover, please contact us. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! August 26, 2013. We havent tried that for a while. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. And fight songs. Took some time to get there, but it's absolutely amazing once you arrive. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. The experiment raised a [] More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:36 pm. 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog Here you'll find all collections you've created before. Maybe this time it'll work. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. by David Sable, www.huffingtonpost.com. Teach them to question what they read. Funny Birthday Wishes 60th Birthday Birthday Funny Getting Old 40th Birthday Jokes Diplomacy Aggressive 65th Birthday Birthday Friends Happy 60th Birthday! If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! Happy Birthday to you! George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes. Youve seen or experienced a lot of wonderful things all these years. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. Share with friends. Whats the matter with you? When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.35.By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.36.How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette?37.Religion is just mind control.38.Dont give your money to the church. Maybe this time itll work., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town., Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Its never just a game when youre winning., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. But he loves you. On your birthday, I just want to remind you that you are the best person I have ever met in my whole life. George Carlin Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it., Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible manliving in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. What does it mean to pre-board? 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. After working on building a wall, brick by brick, for a year and a half, he realized that the approach to tackling any goal can be done in the same way. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept., When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. 25 Insanely Funny George Carlin Quotes - Quotezine Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. "Men are from Earth . Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was.61.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.62.There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. 125 George Carlin Quotes. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Happy 60th Birthday! Turning partly light by morning." (as Al . I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. And in addition to keeping us entertained, his material inspired us to question the world around us and to believe in our opinions despite how unpopular they might be. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.56.I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify or belong to.57.The planet is fine. Related Topics. What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. Deal with it.". More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. 33. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. There's a humorous side to every situation. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. This couldnt be more evident when he said: I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.. "The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.". You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets.supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. I like Florida. Did you hear me? George Carlin. Every table had an argument going. Create amazing picture quotes from George Carlin quotations. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Share with your friends. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Submit Quote George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes & Sayings Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. 1999. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Its just soft., Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.45.I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam.46.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.47.Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. 900 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN [PAGE - 2] | A-Z Quotes 160 Copy quote. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. He would cover any issue no matter how contentious in a way that felt authentic and in line with his personal beliefs. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade I felt better right away. 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The more you age the more valuable you become. We have the war on crime, the war on What does it mean to pre-board? It's your birthday! 31. 500 matching entries found. His life and work have become influential in a lot of aspects, leaving a legacy of laughs, wisdom and valuable lessons. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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