You don't. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. 70+ George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. The planet isnt going anywhere. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. 120. George Carlin was one of the greatest comedians of all time. Thats the problem. Hes not a cheese. Weve added years to life, not life to years. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality! Though he was obviously against Republicans and evangelic conservatism, he also had a penchant for beating up liberal Democrats. 117. Carlin was not unique in that he saw through the thick layers of societal propaganda and rhetoric that are the source of many of the worlds problemsand let it be known that, despite his liberal stance on most social issues, he would point out their hypocrisies as wellbut he was well-respected and well-spoken enough to have left an impression on American thinking and history. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels by Libertarian Country. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME. 8. You get up, you go to work, you eat three meals, you take one good s**t, and you go back to bed. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! I dont vote. The [], The 4th President of the United States was an American statesman, diplomat, and Founding Father. I respect animals. It will not be with jack-boots. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? You know what they are? This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. What if I want to have a crappy day? ~ (George Carlin). They want your fucking retirement money. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. ~ (George Carlin). If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. Always do whatevers next. ~ (George Carlin). I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. If you love someone, set them free. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). So maybe maybe MAYBE, its not the politicians who suck. Its so f***ing heroic. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ (George Carlin). People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) Property is theft. Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass. ~ (George Carlin). The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. 103. George Carlin Quotes Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull sh*t they teach you in school. We think in words. 105. But once youre born, youre on your own. When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. 108. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ~ (George Carlin). Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ (George Carlin). But who is confident enough to give their persona the name Hendrix? Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. So I don't trust none of them.". May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 98. Enjoy! Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Its what our system produces: Garbage in. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. ~ (George Carlin). Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. ~ (George Carlin). 118. Laughuntil you gasp for breath., I have as much authority as the Pope. Quotes from the late comedian and social critic, George Carlin, often surface in the political arena of social media. They should be giving their money to you. ~ (George Carlin). Maher was raised a Catholic (but has a Jewish mother). Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind. ~ (George Carlin). I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is Goalcast inspires the world through stories. This is what we have to offer. George Carlin Everyone experiences pain, of course. FUCK THEM. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. God has a three-day weekend. ~ (George Carlin). First Words (@unscriptedmike) May 18, 2022, George Carlin said "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. Teach them to question what they read. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. WebTop 10 George Carlin Quotes. ", "Don't just teach your children to readteach them to question what they read. He was a true originala brash, intelligent, eloquent voice that cut to the quick. George Carlin Theres no present. Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Deal with it. So, have a little fun. - George Carlin International Dance Day 2023: Wishes and Messages for the occasion Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. And they will readily admit to being awkward: Im such a klutz! But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver. ~ (George Carlin). 116. Web"The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept" - George Carlin Vote 3 comments Add a Comment Slartibartfast39 2 hr. And a It is easy to speculate that George Carlin would have been disgusted by the thought of being a political darling for any party, and especially by the thought of being partisan media clickbait. What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. 101. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. ~ (George Carlin). The only good thing ever to come out of religion was. Never let the brain idle. Because you have the most money? If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. 84. Why would he do that? He is mostly non-political except for his involvement with the environmental organization, Greenpeace. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. The shit they shuffle around every four years doesnt mean a fuckin thing. Theres a humorous side to every situation. They've got you by the balls. Thats the problem. You have no choice. Maybe its because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni! The [], Characterized by a direct and lucid prose, uncluttered from literary devices that seek to please or entertain, George Orwell, was [], How many possible words and phrases are there to express love and romance? In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. ~ (George Carlin). Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. ~ (George Carlin). Bruce Lee was raised Catholic and Buddhist. Laugh often, long and loud. 7. George Carlin | American comedian '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. It creates a hostile work environment. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Carlin was a cool guy; he wasn't racist, sexist, homophobic, or any other buzzword insult the P.C. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all You May Also Like:80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral and Other Life Stories60+ Edgar Allan Poe Quotes to Take You on a Mystery Ride51 Elvis Presley Quotes About the Essence of Life and Rock n Roll, Harvey Bernard Milk (1930-1978) was one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). 93. 24. Read these short quotes by the renowned comedian to make you smile while seeing things from a different perspective. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. George Carlin, in full George Denis Patrick Carlin, (born May 12, 1937, New York, N.Y., U.S.died June 22, 2008, Santa Monica, Calif.), American comedian whose Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television routine led to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that gave the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) the right to determine when to 9. If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself cant lift it? ~ (George Carlin). 18. God has. George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! ~ (George Carlin). Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Thats the problem. Analyse the Republicans now.#DemVoice1 #Fresh pic.twitter.com/1VVJdfOnVg, Tony #DemVoice1 (@TonyHussein4) May 21, 2022. George Carlin on Voting transcript The people are fucked. The poor are therejust to scare the shit out of the middle class. To change your comments display name, click here. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Because if its really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. -- "Dance for yourself. Gov Greg Abbott is using the border crisis to hurt Black-run, Media Matters bombshell: Tucker Carlson caught slamming streaming service Fox Nation, Donald Trump to participate in a CNN presidential town hall next week, Hillary Clinton shares a graph to slam Trump on natl debt & gets help finishing it, See if you can figure out what President Joe Biden is doing in this clip, Charles Payne spots yet another reason to ban congressional stock trading ASAP, NBC News Ben Collins is sick and tired of editorial boards not talking to actual reporters like, CNN asks why SO many of us are unhappy with the country and THIS is why we cant have nice things, Group that went to bat for UVA hate crime hoaxer rages at right-wing media for telling the, Here's the Montana state rep who'd rather her daughter commit suicide than transition, ABC News: LGBTQ+ lawmakers finding themselves fighting literally just 'to exist', Antony Blinken too busy to say if he accepts that Hunter Biden's laptop was not disinformation, California Do Not Sell My Personal Information, George Carlin wouldnt even want to be claimed as your partisan hero and if that offends you his legacy lives on. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. ~ (George Carlin). He was raised an Irish Catholic, even an alter boy, and attended a Catholic school until the age of 15, when he dropped out of school.[1]. ", "You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer., "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. 16. 39. ", "I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. It will not be with jack-boots. ", "In America, anyone can become president. If someone understands, good. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. 3. ", "The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. In recent years, the popularity of George Carlin has amplified among constitutional conservatives, libertarians, anarchists and freethinkers. Be happy with what youve got. People are dreaming if they think they have rights. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. You enjoy yourselves. The less said about it the better. ~ (George Carlin). 43. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. I dont get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. April 20, 2023, by Libertarian Country This is the best we can do folks. 95. They own and control the corporations. No, that might be something Christ would do! Right in the fucking head. Theres a humorous side to every situation. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. Religion. Maybe something else sucks around here like: THE PUBLIC. Pro-life, you don't see many of these anti-abortion women volunteering to have any Black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. "I have certain rules I live by. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. ~ (George Carlin). 123. If this is the best God can do, Im not impressed. ~ (George Carlin). Im Chandan Negi, the Founder of Internet Pillar. I love sharing quotes and sayings to inspire and motivate people. BAM! Manage Settings For Exclusive Deals, New Product Alerts, Free Articles, Libertarian News & More! They own everything," the quote reads. ", "Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. In America, anyone can become president. He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say. As for the poor, [conservatives] tell us [the poor]'ve lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. The new kid in a high school with a thousand other teenagers. George Carlin:::Political quotes I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Well where do people think these politicians come from? The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 88. They will do anything for the unborn. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. https://t.co/Zz3gVH148b. George Carlin Both the Left and the Right have been known to use his insights to demonstrate their own points. Nobody owns anything. ", Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff., "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. Who in fact did not even leave the house on election-day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done, and have every RIGHT to complain as loud as I want, about the mess YOU created, that I had nothing to do with. Swimming is not a sport. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. And probably increase. ~ (George Carlin). "Hmm? Perhaps those who can really claim him as one of their own are the commoners, we the people, caught in the chaos. Bonus Material: Watch this video, it's Carlin at his best! 96. 99. We think in language. In America, anyone can become president. If God created everything, hes got a serious quality control problem. ~ (George Carlin). I don't trust none of them. After that, they don't want to know about you. ", When we think of dictators, we think about other countries. People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? How can He be perfect? That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). Language is the landscape of thought. ~ (George Carlin). This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And term-limits aint going to do you any good. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. ~ (George Carlin). If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion. 25. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 5. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. '", "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ~ (George Carlin). everybody complains about politicians. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. Some people see things that are, and ask, why? Its because volunteers work for no pay. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. In a world where we agree on so little, it is nice to have a voice from the past whose bias can not be defined as strictly partisan. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Follow the link for the full transcript, its worth it, but here are a few choice excerpts: When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. 82. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Unlikely_Let2616 29 min. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. ~ (George Carlin). At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. 87. And the main reason women are crazy is that Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. ~ (George Carlin). Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. No president has done right by us. Animals are completely innocent. The previous statement is false. ~ (George Carlin). Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. Fucking is legal. Why would God have a favorite country? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. 52. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. ~ (George Carlin). I'm talking about the real owners, now. 4. So, have a little fun. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! George Carlin Quotes WebThis is the best we can do folks. Surround yourself with what you love. ~ (George Carlin). Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ABC News: LGBTQ+ lawmakers finding themselves fighting literally just to exist, Antony Blinken too busy to say if he accepts that Hunter Bidens laptop was not disinformation, Heres the Montana state rep whod rather her daughter commit suicide than transition, Super Mario Bros movie illegally streamed on Twitter, US military tracking another mysterious balloon, NYC Mayor Eric Adams says Tex. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. The planet is fine. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ~ (George Carlin). Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. 63. Believe me, my friend. ~ (George Carlin). 69. And theyre elected by American citizens. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. And fight songs. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. 47. Many libertarians--such as us--praise Carlin for his intelligent social criticisms and contributions to a countercultural ethos that perpetually challenges political orthodoxy. Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. Instead of division let's have a laugh about what we share in common. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin was way ahead of his time. Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. ~ (George Carlin). I have as much authority as the Pope. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. ~ (George Carlin). He said: [There was] a lot of classroom freedomin fact there was so much freedom that by eighth grade, many of us had lost the faith. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? However, he calls himself an apatheist (meaning that he's an atheist who doesn't care about the topic). When society, government and organized religion showed their ugly sides, the iconic Carlin fearlessly jumped on stage to challenge their hypocrisy and corruption.Carlin's comedy wasn't just funny; it was a deep dive into human psychology and social criticism. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes 78. Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them? ~ (George Carlin). The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. I have as much authority as the Pope. And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. ~ (George Carlin). He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. They own you. Do these people honestly think that God is sitting around picking out his favorites? Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation." Carlin is a philosopherwho follows logicTo claim he is left or right is obtuse. 110. They don't like him because the media and the academic elite have brainwashed them to the point where they cannot think beyond liberal orthodoxy.Carlin remarked that it was a terrible shame that liberals were leading the war against free speech. They'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it? 44. Nothing changed. And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. 29. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: the public sucks, fuck hope. "Edmund, you're talking to yourself." WebThis video presents the 30 best quotes from the legendary comedian George Carlin. ", "There are 200 countries in the world now. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels, Skip our thoughts on George Carlin and jump straight to the quotes, 26 Voltaire Quotes Everyone Should Read Today, Bipartisan Bill Would Ban Children Under 13 From Using Social Media, Anti-Gun Yard Signs Are an Invitation To Criminals. 2. Something is definitely wrong. 11. George Carlin Quotes George Denis Patrick Carlin or better known as George Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning American solo comedian, actor and writer. Stop to think who it is we kill? An outsider: someone not part of the group. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. ~ (George Carlin). Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. George Carlin 59. They made questioners out of us and they really didnt have any answers. Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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